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5 Tips for Brushing Up Your Resume After Losing Everything On Deep OTM Weeklies

Wallstreetbets, the subreddit full of self-proclaimed ‘autists’ who wager large sums of money has caught the attention of big time money managers and casual observers alike.

A big strategy on Wallstreetbets is what is known as a ‘YOLO’ trade where you buy deep out of the money options in hopes of hitting it big. And while some do, the fact that you’re reading this article means you lost all the money you had from that line of credit and your dreams of being a professional trader living a jet-set life are totally dead.

In order to pay that debt back and avoid bankruptcy here are some helpful resume tips to get you back in the workforce and back to being a productive member of society.

1) Resume Gaps – These are very common among people who decide to take on a career in day trading. And while you’re not going to want to explain that you have less than nothing to show for this gap, trying using some flowery language to make it seem like you were getting some real experience other than acquiring a stomach for losing money.

2) Cover Page – These are important because you were only trading for a short time but you’re so institutionalized to that life that you forgot what regular people do when they need a job.

3) Font Size – This might not seem obvious but a bigger font makes your resume longer which will make you seem smarter and more accomplished. Nothing over 14 let’s not get too crazy.

4) Fake References – While unethical let’s be honest you’re not getting that Starbucks job without a few and using random reddit usernames of people you’ve never met IRL just ain’t going to cut it.

5) Whatever you don’t mention stocks. You’ll be tempted to but then your prospective employer will start asking questions and even the most basic understanding of markets will show that you’re nothing more than a degenerate gambler and hardly Arby’s material.