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Apple Flexes That They Weren’t Founded by the Friend of a Convicted Sex Trafficker in Newest Mac vs PC Ad

Apple has chosen to air a provocative revival of their iconic late-2000s era “Get A Mac” marketing campaign, featuring Justin Long and John Hodgman reprising their respective roles as Mac and PC. In one of the most incendiary, coldest-blooded disses to Microsoft yet, Mac bluntly tells PC that he’s grateful that his father wasn’t knowingly best friends with a convicted billionaire sex pervert.

“Look PC, my father might’ve been known as an egocentric asshole who emotionally abused his employees, fired them without notice, and pilfered the credit for all their hard work and ingenuity, but have you ever seen a Mr. Steve Jobs in that black book? Have you seen him repeatedly palling around next to one of the world’s most infamous elite sexual perverts? Was it my dad’s chicken-necked ass you watched shitting bricks on PBS News Hour last week? I didn’t think so, dickhead.”

This comes as a clear shot against Bill Gates’ now-infamous PBS interview last week, where he glossed over his relationship with noted deceased sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, despite becoming friends with him after the law noted his status as a noted sex trafficker.

“Well, that sex pervert is dead now, so why are people so nosy about my dad’s business dealings?” Laments PC, “People are always looking to slander his name through the mud, falsely accuse him of flying to Little St. James multiple times, when he was only recorded flying on the Lolita Express ONCE! Get your facts straight people!”

Mac retorts that his dad could’ve beat up PC’s dad, citing his lean, mostly vegetarian diet and monastic, ascetic mental willpower.

“My father was an honest man. He might’ve committed suicide by quack health cures, but at least he didn’t pull some anticlimactic weak ass prison “suicide” to dodge a case. Can you say the same about Ol’ Billy Boy’s best bud PC? Can ya?”

Hodgeman walks away, bowing his head in shame. In five short hours, the ad has garnered 69,420,000 views on YouTube, and raucous discourse in the consumer electronics industry.

“To all prospective PC customers, I encourage you to read up on the Times’ investigation of Epstein’s relationship with Bill Gates, and not to read Page 67 of the black book,” stated Apple CEO Tim Cook, whose name appears in Page 67 of Jeffrey Epstein’s black book.