MEDINA, WASHINGTON — Bill Gates’ lawyers are advising him to immediately trade in his Bing Points for Microsoft Rewards before Melinda Gates takes half of them away in divorce proceedings.
“Unlike NFTs or cryptocurrencies, Bing Points have actual intrinsic value,” says Bill Gates’ lead attorney William Powers. “Bing Points are also highly liquid, so we are advising Mr. Gates to spend them immediately before Mrs. Gates’ law team discovers this hidden asset. With the amount of Bing Points Mr. Gates has amassed over the years, he can easily buy a Panera Bread gift card good for a single Pecan Braid.”
Heeding his lawyer’s advice, Bill Gates raced to his computer to browse the Bing Points Store.
“Damnit, I don’t know the web address for the Bing Points Store,” said sad bachelor Bill Gates. “I guess I’ll have to Google it. Ah shit, I should have Binged it to get more Bing Points. I always forget to do that. Ah well, Google is faster anyways. OK, I’ve logged in to the Bing Points Store. What should I get? I can get a $5 giftcard to a Microsoft Store, or maybe a week of Xbox Live. Shit, there are so many choices.”
Melinda Gates’ attorneys have caught wind and are advising her to use up all Bing Points from the Gates’ shared Bing Rewards account
“That bastard thinks he can take away my Bing Points after making me search on Bing for all those years,” cursed Melinda Gates. “All my Bing search results were weird and I couldn’t make quick image searches for porn because of Bing’s stupid filters. Hmmm, it says I can trade in my Bing Points for a small one-topping pizza from Dominos or for a sweepstakes entry for a 1st gen Xbox.”
At press time, the Microsoft Rewards Store crashed due to higher than normal traffic.