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Attractive Market Analyst Sending Out Mixed Signals

NEW YORK — Market analyst Darren Peters has been sending unclear signals out to investors who look to him for advice and strategies, sources allege.

“One minute he’s hot, the next he’s cold, and it gets difficult to tell if the ‘signals’ being sent out are definite trade picks, or just speculative hypotheticals,” stated subscriber Marsha Traeger. “His portfolio’s success attracts people in, but then when the person is attractive it can sometimes be tricky to discern the meaning behind the signals being sent out, and before you know it, you’re screwed and they stop responding to your messages.”

To his credit, Peters has said he does what he can to keep his signals as clear and concise as possible.

“I understand the confusion, sometimes when someone is friendly and attentive, people think they’re getting ‘signals’, so I try to counteract that by being explicit with my messages,” he commented. “But you know how it is when you get excited and careless on a hot streak, and next thing you know you’ve ruined someone’s day/week/month/entire life by sending mixed signals… I swear it’s not my fault, I’m just naturally this hot.”

Fellow analysts have expressed disappointment and distrust with Peters’ situation.

“I think he does it on purpose because he likes the attention,” said far less successful investor Mike Zyne. “He’s constantly stirring up drama, ‘will they/won’t they make the trade’, ‘is this a long term investment or a one time day trade type thing’, etc. The dude knows his portfolio is huge and every trader out there wants it, so he sends out these mixed signals and woos everyone away from all the other analysts sending out legit signals… Though to be honest, his signals always hit the gains spot just right, so even though I hate him, I’d probably still be down.”

Peters later got candid and added, “To be honest, I think I send mixed signals because I’m still just looking for that one special index fund to settle down with long-term.”