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Berkshire Hathaway Issues Press Release: Please Stop Sexualizing Warren Buffett, We’re Begging You

Omaha, NE – In a completely unexpected move from the fortune 500 conglomerate holding company, Berkshire Hathaway, issued a press release this afternoon. The company, in an urgent and distressed tone, is pleading with the general public to please refrain from sexualizing the company’s CEO, Warren Buffett.

“Enough is enough” the letter begins, “this has been going on for far too long. Berkshire Hathaway will no longer stand silent while people continue to openly fetishize our CEO.”

The company goes on to say that, while the sentiment was endearing at first, the constant waves of fan mail have escalated into desperate love letters, fan fiction depicting detailed fantasies of Buffett dominating them, and disturbingly well done drawings shipping Buffet and fellow billionaire friend Bill Gates.

The company has also shut down all social media for the time being, after floods of messages, both private and public, requesting nudes, dates, bathwater, and locks of hair from the 90 year old Nebraska billionaire.

“It’s one thing to see this behavior from our business partners” Berkshire goes on to say, “it’s no secret that most of our companies success stems from Mr. Buffets captivating sex appeal, his flirty demeaner during meetings that leaves companies flustered and begging to merge, or the way he serenades stakeholders during quarterly earnings calls in which he passionately sings love songs with his ukelele. We’re quite aware Warren’s a flirt”.

“But to see this level of horniness for a geriatric businessman is absolutely baffling. We’d expect this kind of behavior out of the Tesla simps, but not us, not Warren.”

At this time, Mr. Buffet has not publicly responded to Berkshire’s statement. However, he has shown interest in the growing demand to start an onlyfans and has registered the account name BuffDaddy1930 ahead of time.