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Billionaire Tax Plan Has Mega Yacht Manufacturers Scrambling to Offer Almost-Mega Yachts

Congressional Democrats’ plan to tax the highest earning billionaires has mega yacht manufacturers worried their clientele won’t be able to afford the luxury items, sources say as they wiped their tears with $100 bills.

“We’ve been looking into other more economical options that we can offer,” says Marcel Onkenhout, CEO of mega yacht builder Oceanco. “For example, one helicopter landing pad instead of three, a line cook instead of a world-renowned chef, and maybe only 500 feet instead of a respectable 600. It’s a tough time for these billionaires and they deserve the best they can still afford after this heinous bill passes.”

Some billionaires have had to put their mega yacht orders on hold citing the uncertainty ahead.

“It’s crazy to think about. One minute you’re making $1,000 every second and the next you’re actually having to look at the price of a purchase,” says billionaire Charles T. Thurgood III. “I’ve never had to worry about a financial decision before. These taxes could absolutely ruin me. It’s quite flustering. It makes you really dig down into what matters on your mega yacht. Do I absolutely need the on demand sex slave service? The real life re-enactment of Squid Game? It’s something you’ve got to consider now.”

Economists argue that the tax plan could be good for the country and the billionaires.

“The taxes recovered by this bill would be invested into education and other social programs. All of this leads to more people entering college and earning degrees,” says NYU economist Harold Scheer. “Those people will need to pay off their college loan debt anyway they can, giving the billionaires a mass of cheap, desperate labor. Perfect for working in the middle of the ocean where the human rights laws aren’t as restricting.”

At press time, 700 billionaires were haggling over the price of an extra swimming pool for their yachts.