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Bitcoin Moves Off Blind Hope Standard

With news of Tesla and several other corporations adding Bitcoin to their balance sheets, the cryptocurrency has officially moved off the Blind Hope Standard.

After years of relying on the blind hope of a small group of nerds, Bitcoin will now be backed by the full faith and trust of Elon Musk. Analysts have upgraded Bitcoin on the news, noting that this new standard makes Bitcoin many hundreds of times more trustworthy than the US Dollar.

“This is a big day for the future of currency,” said Stanford economics professor Bill Wallce. “We can finally kiss goodbye to that piece of junk called the ‘dollar’, and move on to a much better currency endorsed by Elon Musk.”

News of the move spread quickly, as thousands gathered in the streets in dozens of cities to celebrate the new Bitcoin standard and toss their US Dollars into bonfires.