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Bitcoin Traders Propping Up Price By Reminding Everyone How Much Of An Asshole They Felt Like Last Time

Oakland, CA — Chad Thompson looks at his Coinbase account smugly. “Dude remember how bad your fomo was last time? Bitcoin is going to 20k guaranteed,” he yells at his long time friend Mike Barrett.

“I mean I told him I felt stupid for not getting in early last time. I set up an account but it just never felt like the right time,” Barrett explains. “Chad might be confident now but I had to talk him off a ledge last time the bottom fell out. Literally he almost jumped out of his apartment it was frightening.”

Chad and Mike’s story is becoming increasingly common as the price of the cryptocurrency has skyrocketed and investors are weary of an uncertain economy. Men in their late 30’s who have been crashing on couches for the last 4 years have a swing in their step and are suddenly buying up condos and Teslas as a record rate.

Digital wallet companies like Coinbase and Gemini exchange are also seeing new user numbers like never before. “My friend Travis just won’t shut up about it. Hell I remember when it was 4 dollars but I just didn’t think it would last. I’m not going make that mistake twice,” said Chris Stanley of Queens, NY.

As of this writing Both Mike and Chris have completely abandoned their recently opened Robinhood accounts and dumped what was left of their stimulus and unemployment checks into BTC and various alt coins. “Sure bitcoin is my main play but have you heard of Tron? They own Bittorrent which is making a big comeback,” exclaimed Stanley.

As of this writing Bitcoin hasn’t crashed yet which is something, right?