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Broken Tesla Stock Refuses to Turn Man Into Overnight Millionaire

Marty Simmonds insists Tesla is broken. Not the electric vehicle he doesn’t own but rather the 25 out of the money call options he sunk his life savings into last week.

“I’m not sure what’s going on but I’ve been following this stock for a while as well as Wallstreetbets and I’m pretty sure I should be a millionaire by now,” said an agitated Simmonds.

“The stock was up like 700% last year yet the stock is only up 2% since I bought it. I wouldn’t go as far as saying it’s a conspiracy but I also wouldn’t rule it out.”

Simmonds then took to incessantly tweeting at Tesla founder Elon Musk in an attempt to prop the stock higher. He started out light-hearted with various memes before getting more aggressive as he watched his portfolio do nothing.

“I’m honestly not sure what I’ll do,” said a somber Simmonds. “I had so many plans for my new found wealth. I was looking at buying a house and going on a vacation. But all my hopes are dashed because this stupid stock just refuses to go higher.”

As of this writing Tesla is down another 1.5% and Simmonds appears to be getting desperate indicating he would be hopping on a bus and heading over to the Tesla facilities to try and personally talk some sense into Musk.