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Bumble Cancels Plans to IPO at Last Minute

AUSTIN — Dating app Bumble, after confirming plans to IPO several times over the course of a few days, abruptly ended all correspondence with the New York Stock Exchange, canceling said plans, sources allege.

“When they first showed up on our radar, they were silent for about a week, then finally said ‘hi’ one day,” commented Jeff Sprecher, chairman of the NYSE. “Then last week they said they wanted to IPO but were super busy, fine. Then Monday they made concrete plans to IPO Wednesday right after the market closes, but Wednesday at 3:59, they said they had to postpone until Friday… again, fine. Then Friday we heard nothing until after-hours, around 7 pm, when they canceled again, and when I asked when we’d reschedule they just stopped responding entirely.”

Market analyst Sam Reinhart has studied the interaction and determined the fault really lies within the NYSE.

“Bumble was interested in IPO-ing, but the responses from Sprecher were just not exciting enough,” Reinhart stated. “The company got bored and no longer wanted to list on the exchange. Companies like that are constantly getting propositioned by so many different exchanges that if you don’t seem interesting enough they’ll just ignore you and move on to the next option.”

Bumble investors became mostly pessimistic after the canceled plans, but some tried to remain hopeful of the company’s future.

“Them canceling plans several times then ghosting is definitely a red flag, but I’m also hesitant to entirely abandon the relationship,” a rep from the PromisePay venture capitalist firm commented. “I mean, what if some unforeseen circumstance arose, maybe they had a work thing, or got distracted with personal stuff, or got a virus of some sort, or their rep’s phone broke and lost all their numbers and also lost their keys so they had to run home before their roommate went to sleep and now there’s a gas leak in their apartment and they’re being evicted and some other venture capitalists sent them pictures of their potential cash-injection, I mean, it’s entirely possible they could still IPO any day now!”

When approached for comment, Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd said, “Hi, what’s up?” then never responded to anymore messages.