NORTH POLE- It’s the first day of September, and normally Santa’s workshop would be moving at a steady pace. Things don’t really get crazy until late October when the first letters start arriving, but this year is different. Already, the warehouse floor is packed with elves doing overtime shifts, and instead of working with tools or sewing machines, they’re sitting at computers, because this year it’s all about NFTs.
“This is new territory for us,” 300 year old elf Bob Twinkles told Hard Money in an email. “These savvy youngsters are getting into investing at such a young age, and we have to be highly speculative to keep up. We’re anticipating a slew of NFT requests this year, so we got an early start.”
For most of the workshop, the shift to creating non-fungible digital collectables is a hard one. That’s why Santa has converted a wing of the workshop to train elves on the new technology.
“It’s important to get everyone up to date,” Twinkles explained. “You can’t just attach a plastic gun to the hand of an action figure anymore. A lot of kids are gonna be asking for TopShot or the upcoming Barbie NFTs. A modern elf needs to understand cryptography well enough to create blockchains and construct Merkle trees. It’s hard work but we’re managing so far.”
As if this new frontier of gift fulfillment wasn’t challenging enough, the workshop has been hit by malicious black hat elves trying to hack the toy database, as well as human scammers creating fake North Pole presents. “They’ve been put on the naughty list,” Twinkles reassured us. “And we’ve replaced lumps of coal with shitcoins this year.”