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Coinbase Adds Schrute Bucks

SAN FRANCISCO — Cryptocurrency exchange app Coinbase has announced they are adding Schrute Bucks to their platform, sources indicate.

“There is a clearly defined exchange rate of .0001 USD to 1 Schrute Buck, so it’s a total no-brainer to implement,” stated Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong. “Since adding it, the value has soared too; apparently everyone wants 5 extra minutes for lunch!”

With rising popularity, many fear the value of the Schrute Buck is becoming bloated and will burst.

“Last I checked, one Schrute Buck is now worth $75,000 USD! That’s insane,” commented financial analyst Marcus Allen. “When the bubble bursts you’ll be lucky to buy one beet with all those Schrute Bucks, it’s not worth anything, there’s no tangible value, it’s not like other cryptocurrencies that are consistently stable and reliable!”

Inventor and controller of 98% of the currency, Dwight Schrute has said he has no plans to cash out, intending to ‘hold the line’ as the value continues to rise.

“There are finance bros in New York exploiting my currency’s volatility, and I will not stand for that. In fact, I will hold until the value is so high that the world is forced to accept Schrute Bucks as its one true currency and abolish all other monetary systems,” he shouted into the distance at no one in particular. “Or maybe I’ll just sell and retire, it is a LOT of money. With that much money, I’ll never have to exhume my grandfather’s grave to get to the gold Mose hid in his coffin, so, we’ll see.”

At press time the value of The Schrute Buck took a tumble as Coinbase also introduced the far more coveted Stanley Nickel, currently set at 1 $SN to $500,000,000 USD.