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Coinbase IPO Overshadowed by Much Stronger; Easier to Use Coincrack

When the Coinbase IPO (COIN) launched lat month and dipped almost immediately, it wasn’t much of a surprise to anyone in the know. The streets have moved on to a new stronger, cheaper and faster acting exchange. Coincrack. For users of the new app Coinbase won’t even get them to normal.

“Coinbase? Fuck that. I’m not trying to blow up my portfolio with that lag! I need what I need now!” said Scott K an early Coincrack adopter. The exchange which has fees a fraction of that of the more mainstream Coinbase also has token purchases hit your account much faster. “See in the 2 seconds we been talking I bought a trillion of something called bunny coin! I don’t know what that is but I know if it even hits 2x I’m set.” Scott’s eyes glazed over and rolled back as he told me about his purchase.

It’s hard to put a finger on just what would cause an otherwise rational human being to jump into assets so volatile. Scott posits a possible reason. “You see in the early days of crypto something like MT Gox would come along and I’d take a deep breath, buy the dip, and ride the wave to a new all time high. Now you can’t do that. I had to buy into some shit called HOGE coin just because it rhymes with DOGE coin to get that kind of action!”

At that moment Scott spots a Coinbase user with his wallet open on his phone and yells “Ayo, run that Blockcahin fool!” and chases him into the night.

As of this writing Coinbases stock price has severely damaged the portfolio’s of normies across the country.