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Congress Moves to Shut Down Insider Trading It Doesn’t Benefit From

Accusations of widespread insider trading caused a stir on Capitol Hill this morning as lawmakers scramble to shut down unethical trading activity that they don’t benefit from.

“Insider trading carried out by random losers in the corporate world,” 15 congressmen said in joint statement. “The integrity of our markets is sacred, and should only be violated by US senators who got a really good tip about a hot stock.”

Just after a press conference announcing the joint statement, several members of Congress left the Capitol Building early Wednesday afternoon to meet with their stock brokers.