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Congressional Democrats Demand That Every American Earn A Laughable Wage

Following the failed vote to pass a $15/hour minimum wage, Congressional Democrats have kept their promise to provide every American with at least a laughable wage.

Democrats—led by Senators Kyrsten Sinema and Joe Manchin—have insisted that a $15 minimum wage simply isn’t laughable for most Americans. They have asserted that $7.25 an hour can provide the nation much more in the way of humor.

“Without a heinously low minimum wage, who else do we have to compare ourselves to?” said Senator Joe Manchin in a recent statement. “America is built on the principle that everyone should be able to compare themselves to a grocery store worker that cannot put food on the table. Like, that irony is just too good.”

“When I voted against the minimum wage increase, I was fighting for the CEOs whose entire self-worth depends on the subjugation of their employees,” said Senator Sinema, tearing up at her own benevolence. “How do you reap the benefits of power if your workers are not actual peasants?”

At press time, Senators Sinema and Manchin were celebrating the passage of minimal wage reform.