Press "Enter" to skip to content

CPI Data Shows That Billionaire Marriages Are Transitory

Market participants were shocked to see the May Consumer Price Index (CPI) rise by 5% year over year. Treasury Secretary Yellen and Fed Chairman Powell assured Americans that many elements of inflation, including used cars, grocery prices, and billionaire marriages are transitory.

“While Mark Zuckerberg has been married for nine years, we’re not too worried about his relationship in the long-run,” remarked Jerome Powell. Years of economic data make us confident that billionaire marriages will remain transitory for the foreseeable future. We have a large sample size suggesting that historic trends will continue.

Eccentric tech billionaire Elon Musk has played a key role in keeping billionaire marriages from running too high. Immediately after becoming a billionaire, Musk divorced his college sweetheart, Justine, in 2008. He married actress Talulah Riley in 2010, but they were toast by 2012. Musk has since had a child with singer Grimes. We look forward to seeing them get married and divorced by 2025.

2019 was a great year for billionaire divorces, headlined by Mackenzie Bezos leaving her husband, Jeff, for a science teacher in Seattle. Mackenzie became the richest woman in the world, and Jeff decided to go to outer space in the biggest divorced guy move of all time.

However, the first 5 months of 2021 have set a record. Kim Kardashian announced her split with Kanye West earlier this year, and Bill Gates broke the internet when he tweeted that he would be parting ways with Melinda. Bill joined an elite club of 60 year old men whose relationship issues partially stemmed from a friendship with Jeff Epstein (RIP).

“As long as Zuckerberg meets with divorce attorneys by 2023, we no reason for Americans to worry about the longevity of billionaire marriages,” said Yellen.