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Dave Portnoy Richer Than Elon Musk In 5 Years? One High As Fuck Analyst Says It’s Possible

Could Barstool Sports founder and resident pizza-reviewer Dave Portnoy surpass the net worth of Tesla’s Elon Musk in the next 5 years? Following hours of data collection, detailed technical analysis, and a fat blunt full of Super Lemon Haze, market analyst Shawn Irving seems to think so.

“If you think about it, man, they’re actually very similar in terms of their businesses. Musk has PayPal, Tesla, SpaceX, and The Boring Company, while Portnoy has a stake in Penn Gaming, a blog and a televised gambling addiction,” noted Irving between rips of a sativa vape pen. “The only difference is that Barstool has room to grow.”

TSLA is currently trading above $850 per share, making Musk the wealthiest man in the world, for now at least. Unfortunately, Portnoy’s pizza-reviewing enterprise has been estimated at 1 share for $3, or 2 for $5 plus a free medium-sized drink. If gambling can really catch on and Penn start trading similar to Berkshire Hathaway Class A shares it really may be possible.

“Once Barstool does a SPAC or something, and ‘Pardon My Take’ replaces ‘Mad Money’ on CNBC, they’re gonna have all the exposure they need to become a media empire,” continued Irving through mouthfuls of Hot Cheetos. ‘Call Her Daddy’ is easily going to be the next ‘60 Minutes,’ and that’s when Portnoy takes the lead.”

Perhaps there is big money in store for Portnoy’s future, though much of the analysis seems speculative with a possible THC-bias. Irving declined to comment further, as he had fallen asleep with his hand still in a bag of Mini Chips Ahoy cookies.