NEW YORK — Since revealing he lost $700,000 in meme stocks in February, Dave Portnoy has been patiently awaiting an opportunity to get back into losing money on meme stocks, sources confirm.
“Day trading is an artform: you gotta know when to buy and when to sell,” Portnoy commented. “Once AMC hits triple digits, that’s when it’s time to dive in. I’d hate to miss out and be left holding the bag like last time, so I’m setting a buy limit for $100 — gonna hit that sweet spot, then sit back and watch it soar to the moon!”
Portnoy’s financial advisor Marvin Gallagher has been frantically calling E*TRADE trying to get Portnoy’s account shut down and the Barstool Sports creator declared legally unfit to manage finances.
“He lost close to $1 million, yet he keeps buying back in,” Gallagher shouted. “Please someone take away his phone immediately. I can’t take the stress of this guy trying to day trade. I think I’m having a heart attack—”
Fellow meme stock market overlord Elon Musk commented on the situation, saying even he wouldn’t get involved with AMC right now.
“Though I have billions in disposable funds that I could burn for the comedy of it, and I love a good meme, even I wouldn’t buy into AMC right now,” Musk stated. “Now if he got into some cash secured puts set for $1000, well then I’m down… now that is worth it for the bit!”
Wanting to give AMC his full attention, Portnoy cashed out his $12 million investment in dogecoin to dump what was left into the meme stock, finally taking his $11,999,998 loss on crypto.