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Day Trader Discovers How to Manipulate Market After Practicing for Years on Girlfriend

Orange County, CA — After years of gaslighting, perfecting the silent treatment, and playing on his girlfriend’s insecurities, Jake Carter, a recently pledged Theta Chi, knew he was ready to manipulate more than just his girlfriend. He was ready to manipulate something everyone would hear about, the stock market.

Carter’s girlfriend, Jannett Williams, spoke on the issue saying – well, she didn’t exactly speak on the issue, but Carter spoke for her, claiming, “Jake is brilliant and he does not manipulate me. He treats me amazingly and I only have him to thank for that, but if he did manipulate me, I’m glad I was a stepping stone on the way to him manipulating the market. Sign up for his online class, ‘From D Bag to Money Bags’.”

Friend’s of Carter told us that it was only a matter of time before he moved on from his girlfriend and onto bigger and better things. He was already a pro at creating false stories, and structural manipulation from years of practice with his girlfriend.

Something that stuck out to us while reporting was that all of Carter’s friends claimed he had never once done them wrong nor made a single mistake. He was described as an esoteric illusory type-being with of course a huge dick.

When we asked Carter to speak on the issue he interrupted us saying, “no one asks me something unless I tell them to ask me it.” This was really eye opening to us, because it helped us realize that Carter was right and while reporting about this we realized Carter may have done just more than manipulate his girlfriend and the stock market… But he manipulated us.