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Day Trader Gets Massive Raise by Securing Minimum Wage Job

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Full time day trader Lance Connor has increased his hourly income by -4,163% after pivoting to a part-time job at Walmart.

“I just felt it was time for a change, and a negative 4,000% raise is not a bad change,” Connor stated. “This Walmart place is incredible, they give me $12 per hour of work — a full time job where you actually gain money? Sign me up!”

Though he has entered a new field, Connor said several skills transferred from his old ‘job’.

“I pay no attention to any signs and just put the stock wherever, so it’s exactly the same strategy as my day trading,” he added, amused by the lexicon of his new job that is clearly borrowed from his old one. “Ha, put, stock, I even sometimes take calls where I don’t know what I’m doing and mess them up!”

Connor’s manager, Martin Rawl commented on his job performance, stating he was the ‘worst employee’ he’d ever had.

“He didn’t take the time to read the manual or anything, even though it’s literally one paragraph long,” Rawl said. “Instead he went on Reddit and found some post about stacking the shelves some weird way and now all of our produce has gone bad and half the products are unsellable. He is truly the most proficient money-losing employee I’ve ever had.”

After a few weeks of work Connor left his job to return to day trading, immediately losing all the money he’d made within an hour.