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Day Trader Moves To Australia To See if Portfolio Moves In Opposite Direction Too

SYDNEY, Australia — After sustaining three years of heavy losses, day trader Jesse Castle was running out of ideas. Thirty-six months of staring at emotionally abusive technical analysis patterns while watching his portfolio bleed out on the good linens had become too much to handle.

Nothing was working, including Castle, who quit his job immediately after watching a Timothy Sykes Youtube Pre-Roll advertisement. Teeming with frustration, Castle turned to non-traditional methods like only trading during waxing gibbous moon cycles, or exclusively buying stocks that start rhyme with Burtz-Bent-a-Bar. No dice.

But Castle’s luck turned around recently. While pondering whether or not he should drown himself in the toilet, a thought occurred to him. He remembered that toilet water in Australia moves in the opposite direction than America due to the Coriolis effect. He wondered if the same effect would apply to his portfolio. So he took his head out of the toilet bowl and bought a plane ticket from New York to Sydney.

Two days later, he found himself sitting with his laptop on the balcony of an AirBnB in downtown Sydney, waiting for the magic of the Coriolis effect to reverse the financial damage that had all but destroyed his life. As the hours passed, Castle grew tired and eventually fell asleep.

He woke up at 9am, ready to finally start making some good trades, but when he opened his Robinhood account the markets had already closed. He had forgotten to take into account the nineteen hour time difference between the two cities. And that day of missed trading became Jesse Castle’s most profitable day in thirty-six months. I guess the Coriolis effect works for more than just toilets.