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Day Trader Who Makes $10,000 a Week Also Loses $12,000 a Week

DENVER, Colo. — Master investor Paul Denning has managed to consistently bring in $10,000 per week from what he calls ‘big-brain investments’, though unfortunately he also consistently loses $12,000 per week in what he calls ‘fluke occurrences’.

“I make an insane amount of money,” he began explaining. “It’s wild. 10 grand. I mean, I also lose 12 grand, so I suppose it’s offset and I net negative, but still, making 10 thousand is pretty incredible. I should be a financial advisor!”

Actual financial experts have praised his ability to spot successful trades, though have said they are more impressed with how efficiently he loses all of those gains.

“Making $10,000 in a week is impressive, but managing to then lose it all and then some in the same time frame is maybe moreso?” commented financial advisor Jenna Quinn. “Just moving that much cash around in a week is already incredible. How is someone simultaneously a genius and an idiot? It’s truly mind boggling.”

In response to Denning’s statement about becoming a financial advisor, CEO of JP Morgan Jamie Dimon offered some advice, simply saying, “No.”