North Pole — Area man Kris Kringle better known as ‘Santa Claus’ to much of the world is under fire after reports indicate he spread a lot more than cheer earlier today. Kringle was doing his usual delivery route – the same one he’s done every year for hundreds of years – however it looks like at some point he contracted Covid 19 and proceeded to spread it to millions worldwide.
“I wash my hands like a maniac and constantly am sanitizing. Not to mention wearing a mask everywhere but this darn virus is relentless. I’m horrified thinking about how many people might get sick or even die because of me,” said a solemn Kringle from isolation at an undisclosed location.
While it’s unclear how many people may have been exposed by Kringle Dr. Anthony Fauci was quick to condemn the face of Christmas as reckless and potentially extending the pandemic. “This isn’t any regular year and Christmas should not be business as usual,” said a disgusted Fauci. “I’m spending the holidays with my wife only and forgoing seeing any family including my children. Kringle should have taken this into consideration do people really need that PS5?”
There has been some chatter that once he’s done with quarantine Kringle will complete his deliveries however he was unwilling to confirm or deny.