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Dow Closes, Will Reopen But Only 3 Stocks Allowed In At Same Time

In Wall Street news, the Dow Jones Industrial Average announced that it will be opening today as usual, but will only allow 3 stocks in at one time. The decision comes in wake of yesterday’s close after which there was uncertainty about the ability to reopen due to the latest pandemic guidelines. However, by the end of a late-night emergency stakeholder meeting, including a very confused UberEats driver who was roped into proceedings after she delivered several party trays of sushi during the dinner break, it was decided that the Dow could reopen but with stricter COVID-19 prevention measures.

“Frankly, this will make it a lot easier,” said one Dow Jones employee. “We used to have to keep track of 30 stocks. That’s a lot. But now with only 3, we can really focus on getting all the numbers right. Because sometimes, to be honest, when it was really busy, we just used to make ‘em up and hope for the best.”

Other allowances include mandatory mask wearing, maintaining at least a 6-ft difference while inside the DJIA and, of course, requiring Travelers Companies Inc (TRV) to quarantine for 14 days before each entry.

And while that is certainly good news for investors, who will still have the opportunity to invest in whichever 3 stocks are in the Dow at any given time, for those stocks waiting to get in this winter season it promises to be a cold, snowy and potentially unprofitable one.