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E*Trade Mulls Changing Name to E*Tard to Steal Users From Robinhood

With the popularity of discount brokerages showing no sign of abating, E*Trade, which is owned by parent company Morgan Stanley is looking to take some market share from rival Robinhood by possibly changing their name ever so slightly to E*Tard. While they look and sound very similar, market research has suggested E*Trade will be able to acquire upwards of 62% of Robinhood’s clientele with just this change alone.

“Wallstreetbets has been a very dominant force these last several months,” says CEO Michael A. Pizzi. “We’re looking to capitalize on the 10 million plus users on that subreddit who make decisions based on irony, the potential for memes and really not much else.”

The name change is not without controversy as some believe E*Trade is punching down however Pizzi happily addresses this issue. “Look we may not be your grandfather’s discount stock broker and that’s ok. But if you’re cool, extremely online, and have a high tolerance for risk and penchant for losing all your money in dumb options trades we’re for you.”

One feature to lure in Robinhood users will be unlimited free yolo option trades. Users just have to bet their entire account on a single out of the money option to qualify.