There’s an old saying that every penny spent paying an employee is a penny less in your offshore bank account. With the federal minimum wage at $7.25 it’s easy to risk letting a bad human investment eat up your profits. And unless you’re a multinational, or work in the entertainment industry, child labor is pretty much off the table. Luckily, there’s a simple, effective, and entirely legal solution — baked right into the foundation of our country.
Close your eyes and Imagine the perfect labor force. Diligent, hardworking, willing to be paid nothing, unable to unionize or vote, and housed in one reliable location where extraneous expenses like rent and healthcare aren’t a factor.
Sounds impossible, right? Wrong! Thanks to a handful of words in one often-overlooked amendment to the Constitution, slavery, or the ‘obligational volunteer industry’, was outlawed in 1865 — except as punishment for a crime! If your eyeballs aren’t literally stamped with dollar signs and spinning in your head like a slot machine getting its buttons hammered by a chain smoking retiree, you may want to find a business partner.
How does this work, you ask? it’s simple. Some of the nation’s top CEOs base their success on the fact that in most of the country, you can pay prisoners, or ‘complimentary contractors’, anywhere from 1.41 to 14 cents per hour. But depending on where you’re located, you may be able to hire them for free. It brings a whole new meaning to “free market”!
Thanks to the incarceration of over 2.3 million of your potential workers, there’s an endless supply of pure, profit-building labor. You might hesitate to bring convicted criminals to your business operations, but the great news is a huge proportion of them commit nonviolent crimes, with many commiting none at all! It’s really a win-win for everyone.