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Elon Musk Confident About Tesla Earnings Report, Says Numbers Are “Rock-Solid, Bulletproof”

Palo Alto, CA – Ahead of the Tesla Q3 Earnings Report that is expected after market close on Wednesday, CEO Elon Musk remains confident. “We’ve looked at the numbers from every angle, even standing back from them to take in the whole picture and they’re pretty good,” says Musk. “Rock-solid, totally bulletproof.”

Internal Tesla communications leaked to Hard Money indicate the company may share Musk’s confidence but are also wary of any negative publicity during the event. For example, employees were asked not to get up too close to the numbers and directed not to be carrying any metal balls of any kind. And definitely not to throw them at the numbers, even if the CEO insists.

Reports are that Musk has also been urged to stay away from a long list of distractions and potential lawsuits, including smoking blunts, being anywhere near Joe Rogan and absolutely no tweeting about pronouns, baby names, Mars, SpaceX or stranded cave divers until Thursday morning at the earliest.

One anonymous Tesla insider said Musk had been sequestered to a no-wifi bunker in a Boring Company tunnel 3 stories below Tesla HQ but as of this article deadline, no confirmation could be made.

Regardless of what’s in store for the shareholders and public alike during Wednesday’s webcast, it will certainly be a show.

For his part, Musk remains his carefree self. “The Board of Directors asked me explicitly not to tell anyone to throw anything at the earnings report but I might just do it anyway,” he said, with a mischievous grin. “We’ll see, I don’t know. I’m feeling kind of frisky.”