The world welcomed El Salvador into the international cryptocurrency market with the customary greeting of the securities-exchange community — immediate catastrophe. On the very day El Salvador began accepting Bitcoin as an official national currency, the cryptocurrency plunged in value to the tune of about 6%. Rather than see the price drop as a bad omen, President Nayib Bukele declared it a great opportunity for the El Salvadoran people.
In an early-morning press conference, President Bukele addressed the nation; “My fellow citizens, this is what we’ve been waiting for. The addition of Bitcoin to our national market was meant to provide strong investment opportunities to the people. Now, on the very first day, there is a dip. So I pose to you, good people of El Salvador, what do we do with a dip?”
The crowd roared in unison; “We buy the dip!” while pumping their fists and drinking red bull by the six-pack. Bukele removed his sunglasses to reveal piercing red laser beams emitting from his eyeballs. The world watched Bukele’s bold gambit with great anticipation — we’ve all seen people trade on margin, but would anybody be so irresponsible as to trade crypto on GDP?
Cryptocurrency experts predict that El Salvador will either become the world’s richest nation, or that they will become destitute at levels unseen since the construction of the Ziggurat of Ur. One or both of these outcomes are likely to take place in the next 2 weeks. We tried to interview President Bukele, but he declined, claiming to be too busy converting the El Salvadoran Constitution into an NFT.