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Exclusive: Where Does Elizabeth Holmes Fall on the Hot/Crazy Matrix

Elizabeth Holmes, the founder and former CEO of blood-testing technology company Theranos, is on trial for wire fraud and conspiracy to commit wire fraud. During all of this some wild things have come out about her. Is she a vampire? Who knows. She is also pretty cute. How does one tell if it’s worth it to pursue someone like this? Enter the Hot/Crazy Matrix. Sidenote: If you are reading this you had no chance with her anyway.

The Hot/Crazy Matrix is a useful tool to find out if someone is hot enough to overpower their crazy attributes. It was developed by fictional character Barney Stinson (a true role model for all men) on How I Met Your Mother. For example: A horse girl. A horse girl with no special attributes would just be on the crazy side. Now a horse girl with the ass of Sommer Ray would put her firmly in the “fun zone”.

So let’s input some of the hot/crazy attributes. First, she doesn’t blink. Now this could be a good thing if you wanted to get really, like really, lost in those eyes. But on the other hand it’s weird. We’ll call it crazy. Second, she is a billionaire. Depending on your political leanings this is a good or bad thing. I’ll say this though, any woman that could buy me a sports team is a plus. Put it on the hot side. Now, we get to what may make or break it. She kind of cosplays as Steve Jobs. Everyone has seen the black turtleneck she never takes off and the fake deeper voice she puts on. Personally, I’m all for performance art. Hot it is.

There you have it. Elizabeth Holmes would be acceptable on the Hot/Crazy Matrix. Try it out on friends!