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Fed Holds Steady on GameStop Growth Rate of 45% Per Day

During a press conference today, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell maintained the Fed’s daily GameStop growth rate of 45%.

“We feel that a 45% daily increase in the stock of a dying yet memeable company is a sign of a healthy economy,” Powell said. “We do not feel the need to make any changes to our policies at this time.”

According to sources at the press conference, Powell repeatedly blurted out “no inflation!” as he wiped beads of sweat from his forehead.

“The Fed’s main priority is to support a strong, stable market, and GameStop shares are the bedrock of that market now,” Powell continued.

According to Stanford economics professor Dr. Hugh Bubble, the Fed’s policies do not go far enough. “The fact that Tesla hasn’t passed $1,000 yet is a complete embarrassment to the American financial system,” said Bubble. “I would like to see the Fed do more to grow GameStop and AMC. Powell should personally be buying out-of-the-money calls if that’s what it takes!”