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Financial Times Breaks Wirecard Scandal, Reports Financial Times for Millionth Time

LONDON — The Financial Times’ deeply sourced and intensely researched reporting unravelled a years long accounting scandal that led to the insolvency of German payments provider Wirecard, the Financial Times reported for the millionth time today.

“Our dogged reporting led by investigative reporter Dan McCrum exposed the tenuous house-of-cards that the once high-flying Wirecard was built on, in case you haven’t read any of the dozens of articles we published about Wirecard in the past 24 hours,” Financial Times said.

Before Financial Times’ in-depth look at the company, Wirecard had become a global leader in digital payments processing and a rare European company on par with Silicon Valley’s fintech unicorns, just in case you needed more context to understand the importance of its vital reporting, said Financial TImes.

“Financial Times is now working on an immersive, infographic-heavy series of first-person narrative articles that detail the German government’s threats made against our reporting team, which we think will help remind everyone that the unmatched bravery of Financial Times reporters exposed Wirecard’s massive fraud, which you can only read about in Financial Times,” Financial Times added.

Financial Times was also working on a 13-part podcast series focused solely on EY’s shoddy auditing of Wirecard’s Bangkok operations, which was unearthed due to the Financial Times’s superlative investigative reporting, Financial Times reported.

“We hope that the rest of the world is as impressed with Financial Times’s reporting about Wirecard as we are,” Financial Times said.

At press time, the average person commented that they had no idea what the fuck a payments processing company even did and wondered why Financial Times was printed on pink paper.