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“Fuck the Cap-Gains Tax” Says Day-Trader Who Has Never Gained Capital

“Straight up, fuck the cap-gains tax,” wrote avid day-trader David Franklin in a Reddit post on Sunday, despite his post history revealing consistent losses and not a shred of evidence of any capital gain.

Franklin, 21, has had a Robinhood account for six months and just learned yesterday about the capital gains tax on investment profits. While the tax does not apply to traders like David who are deep in the red, he nonetheless penned a manifesto demanding the abolition of the “oppressive” tax.

“This is petty theft, it’s burglary, I can’t believe it. The government is stealing the money that I am rightfully owed,” said the debt-ridden Franklin, failing to mention the $4,000 he lost on options that morning. “As investors, we deserve the spoils of our own ingenuity.”

“The capital gains tax suppresses the free-market, it’s a shackle on the invisible hand,” ranted David, despite buying high and selling low on every security in his portfolio. “We need to overthrow greedy Uncle Sam and replace him with a system that lets the victors collect our winnings.”

Franklin concluded his anti-government diatribe without mentioning that he’s been collecting unemployment to make up for his lost capital.