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Futures Crash After Translator Pence Brought to Communicate With Kamala Harris Tests Positive for COVID-19

Salt Lake City, UT — Stock futures are in free fall after the translator Vice-President Mike Pence brought to the debates in order to communicate with female candidate Kamala Harris has tested positive for Covid 19.

Pence, 61, is morally unable to communicate with any woman other than his wife, according to a source who spoke on the condition of that this reporter was also not a woman. The positive COVID test has put future vice-presidential debates in limbo and clearly rattled the financial markets.

Hard Money will continue monitoring the events as they unfold.