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Goddamnit: Cancer Drug I Bet Against Actually Works And Now My Puts Are Worthless

Well shit. I was, like, 99% sure this cancer drug was a total fluke, so obviously I bet against it with a ton of put options. Turns out it’s some stupid “miracle cure” and now my dozens of contracts are totally worthless. Easily the worst thing that could have happened.

I bought the contracts assuming the drug would have some horrendous side-effect, or at the very least be completely ineffective. With a name like Klybaxagin, it sure sounds like total snake oil. But no, this one had to be the end-all treatment for like ten different kinds of deadly cancer. Just my luck.

They’re saying it’s gonna be the best-selling cancer drug of all time. Fuck me, right? I mean, I understand it could save hundreds of thousands of lives, but it also could have made me a few thousand if it flopped.

It’s some cruel joke from God to bestow a cure for cancer upon us. This sick fuck just wants to see people like me suffer for no good reason. No one should ever have to lose an option like I did. So young, not even close to maturity. It’s truly devastating.

This cure has seriously damaged the health of my portfolio. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. So, to all bearish traders and short-sellers, I pray your portfolio is stocked with ineffective cures, defective self-driving cars, and speculative bubbles that will soon burst and destroy the global economy.