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Google Initiates Plan To Break Up US Government

Mountain View, CA — Google’s attorneys held a press conference Monday to announce their plans to dismantle the US government. The press conference coincided with a civil complaint filed in US Federal Court, which asked a judge to rule on a dissolution of the US government.

“We feel that the United States government no longer serves a clearly beneficial purpose to Google,” said Halimah DeLaine Prado, Google’s General Counsel. “Because of this, we have taken legal action to formally put to rest the archaic bureaucracy of the federal government.”

Google’s complaint outlines 32 separate allegations against the government, including an “inability or unwillingness to help Google maximize profitability at the expense of US citizens.”

“While the US leadership has certainly helped Google subvert some laws and achieve wild profitability from invading the public’s privacy, it has put up some resistance,” Prado said. “Because of that, we will have to dissolve the United States government and find a more suitable situation for our company. Ideally, we are seeking a government that not only fails to enforce any laws against us, but also actively assists in helping us mine and sell every single piece of person information possible.”

The complaint also blasted the US government for not including enough former Google executives in high-level federal leadership positions.

“It is an embarrassment that the US had one president from Arkansas, but zero from the Google C-suite” Prado added during her press conference.

Legal experts polled by Hard Money expect the civil case to be resolved fairly quickly, with all agreeing that the court will side with Google.