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Guy Who Bought the Dip Also Sold the Even Worse Dip

NEW YORK — Full-time day trader Kevin Walsh confirmed after buying various securities during a market dip, he later sold those same securities during an even worse dip.

“Everything was dropping and the market was crashing, so I decided to dive in and put my entire life savings into the stocks on my watchlist,” Walsh said while scouring WallStreetBets for advice on how to get his money back.

“Then the market kept crashing and I was in the red pretty big time. I did what any smart investor would do figuring I needed to minimize my losses so I sold it all and lost all the money my dad had given me to invest with. Now that the market seems to be bouncing back I think it’s time to jump back in with more of his money. Going to check in with The Motley Fool for my next move.”

Walsh’s close confidant, Mara Sumner, who witnessed his huge loss first hand, has reported her portfolio multiplied ten-fold throughout the pandemic.

“He laughed at me for not ‘buying the dip’ when he did, but I just bought some Apple and Facebook in March and haven’t looked back,” Sumner stated while cashing out her now six-figure portfolio. “The stock market is really not that complicated if you’re not in such a rush… and also not an idiot. Kevin is trying to triple his portfolio in a week but now he’s on the phone with the margin clerk because his E*TRADE account is literally negative.”

Experts weighing in on the situation have all agreed Walsh’s habits are both common and easily avoidable.

“This dude lost money on Square, like, dude, people are afraid to touch paper money right now, digital payment services will go up, how are you this dumb?” commented hedge fund speculator Cameron Park. “But this is what always happens with these amateurs. They get their parents’ money and think they’re The Wolf of Wallstreet. Someday they’ll get on my level with the other hedgers though – losing a million isn’t cool, you know what’s cool? Losing a billion!”

At press time, Walsh stated he has decided to take advantage of the crash and short various stocks, just as the market began to bounce back.