LOS ANGELES — Stock broker Lance Marshall, after selling you a handful of securities in Canopy Growth Corporation, is now just hanging out at your place, sources confirm.
“I already bought the thing, why is he still here?” you questioned while awkwardly attempting to resume your daily activities and ignore him. “I’ve been hoping he’ll take the hint and just leave on his own, but I think I might have to actually say something. I really don’t like confrontation, maybe if I leave he’ll feel awkward and leave too?”
Marshall was last seen examining a random shelf with souvenirs from your semester abroad in France, while waiting for you to trade a little of the stock with him.
“I just gotta look busy so it’s not weird,” he stated, continuing on to the display of wedding invitations. “I’m waiting for him to trade a little of the stock while I’m still here so he’ll share with me. It’s the polite thing to do, I came here and sold the Canopy stock, so we should just use a sample of it now, together. That’s standard. And then if he has an acoustic guitar lying around, maybe I’ll just play the solo from Santeria real quick too, depends how this goes.”
CEO of Canopy Growth, David Klein, has expressed disappointment in brokers who act in this manner.
“Part of what we’re trying to do here at Canopy is move away from that antiquated behavior,” he commented. “We want this to be a sleak, professional operation. No more hanging around to share the stuff… unless you sold them some real cushy deal like a longshot put for after the election, then, yeah, maybe stick around a minute or two just in case.”
At press time, Lance Marshall stated he had forgotten why he was even at your place to begin with and quickly left.