SAN FRANCISCO – Matt Thompson, a 23-year-old day trader with over two weeks of experience, was making an absolute killing on Robinhood before pivoting to not really bringing it up anymore, friends and family report.
Thompson’s first big move in the financial markets was when he received a free stock for inviting a friend to download Robinhood, swelling his assets under management by 150%.
“When the stock market goes down you can actually make money off that too,” Thompson told family members sometime around March, while looking for an apartment so he could finally live on his own. “There are these things called put options, and I have a ton of them and they go up every day.”
Thompson has always been amongst the first in his friend group and family to hop on new opportunities, sources close to the enigmatic figure confirmed. He reportedly has an expansion collection of cryptokitties, which he said he got a good price on before never mentioning it again.
“Little Matty has always been the businessman of the family!” Mrs. Thompson, Matt’s mother, reported. “He hasn’t given many updates lately but I think it’s going very well.”
As of press time Thompson was seen saying “the whole thing is rigged anyways” before quickly changing the topic away from stocks. He’s also been seen on the phone desperately trying to convince his credit card provider to give him a credit limit increase.