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Here’s The Various Choices of Fine Imported Marble You’d Be Torn Between if you invested in DogeCoin Instead of “Yourself”

Calacatta? Carrara? Emperador? It’s so hard to decide. At least it would have been had you not made the biggest mistake of your life by doing your masters in english literature instead of taking all that money and buying and DOGE.

At the time spending $85000 on improving yourself really seemed like a great idea. But had you bought DOGE instead of getting that worthless piece of paper, you would currently have over $40 million dollars. Yes you read that right but how couldn’t you have with the spiffy master degree in english.

So what kind of counter tops will you likely be deciding on going forward? Probably laminate or wood if you’re lucky. That is if you ever even get the chance to change them because you’re likely saddled with so much crippling debt the idea of home-ownership is well out of reach.

You’re probably asking yourself ‘is it too late for me to buy DOGE’? You can never be too old for self-improvement but you definitely missed the boat on this one. And don’t forget student debt doesn’t discharge in bankruptcy.