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How I Recuperated From $100,000 in Day Trading Losses by Calling Them Stonks and Letting Irony Numb Me

Investing losses are inevitable and one of the most significant qualities that separates a professional investor from an amateur investor is how they bounce back from a loss. So when I was $100,000 in the red after a 3-day skid of catastrophic $TSLA calls, $AMD puts, plus a whole bunch of options I don’t remember buying while I was in a catatonic fugue state, I knew that my response to the loss would be more valuable than the money itself. 

Luckily I was able to turn it all around in seconds by making exactly $0 back and poisoning my brain with thick, sludgy irony.

Day trading is hard work. It takes patience, close attention, guts, and a little bit of luck. So when you lose like I did, repeatedly and at a statistically improbable rate, it can take a toll on your mental well-being. But by utilizing the novocaine-like effects of ironic detachment, while you may not protect yourself from losses, you can protect yourself from feeling anything ever again.

Instead of stocks, you have stonks. Instead of a bank account you used to share with your ex-fiance who left you because you “don’t know when to quit,” you have a liney boi. Line goes up and line goes down. (Line mostly goes down.) But it’s okay because this is funny to you now. You’re laughing, actually. Christine hated jokes, apparently.

Warren Buffett once said, “Diversification is a protection against ignorance. It makes very little sense for those who know what they’re doing.” Yesterday I traded for 12 straight hours while listening to a chopped and screwed remix of Gangnam Style on a loop. Which one is the better strategy? Who’s to say? But at the end of the day when I saw how far my line had gone down, I know that I didn’t feel bad at all. Oppa Gangnam Style!

And if you think this lifestyle is right for you, you can learn more about it in my new book, YOLO Swag Stonk Life: a Memoir. Now available for digital download for $100,000. Please. I really need this money back.