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How to Value Tesla? This Veteran Analyst Resorted to Horoscopes

Nitish Sakhuja is like a lot of analysts that issued price targets for Tesla last year. Not able to justify the price but also not wanting to look foolish, he would site ‘future uncertainty’ before taking the safest route and issuing a target right around that week’s price.

That continued to not work and not wanting to look foolish, Sakhuja has now resorted to various horoscopes for hints as to the future of Tesla.

“I’m a Capricorn,” says Sakhuja from his Manhattan office. “I was never really into horoscopes but my girlfriend has some app on her iPhone that gives you one every day. I started reading them and got some really good insight into Tesla price targets. The first one said, ‘You’re a fierce warrior and you don’t let people tell you what to do. You tell them what to do. You’re analytical and insightful and you have a triple digit windfall in your future’.”

Shortly after reading this Sakhuja adjusted his target to $1400 at a time when shares were slightly over $1000. This kind of gutsy call earned him a promotion and a new office.

“It’s nice to be able to rely on these horoscopes because to be honest I have no idea how to value them. Are they a car manufacturer? A power company? A crypto meme factory? I really have no clue but as long as it’s working no reason to mess with a good thing.”

Sakhuja will now begin using horoscopes to predict Bitcoin prices and he’s confident as long as it keeps going up he’ll be a partner soon enough.