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IKEA Stock Sold As Fractional Shares That Investors Can Assemble At Home

DELFT, NETHERLANDS — Jesper Brodin, CEO of furniture company IKEA, has confirmed stock in the company will be distributed as fractional shares to be assembled at home.

“Think of it as LEGOs for investors,” Brodin stated. “It makes it a smoother transaction for both parties, from storage to transport, it just makes sense to break up the shares and let people put them together at home – plus, now you get a sense of accomplishment when you piece together a full share.”

Though some investors appreciated the concept, many were disappointed.

“If I buy stock, just give me the stock, I don’t want any part of this self-assembly nonsense,” exclaimed day trader Martin Kelber. “I’m trying to flip this thing, not hold onto it forever, I want it already assembled and ready to go. I can’t be building it, making the sale, then breaking it down later that day, who’s got the time for that? I’m just gonna start trading Wayfair instead, at least they come put the shares together for you… and they seem like a good company, definitely a solid investment.”

Market analyst Katherine Turner warned against long term investments in the self-assembly shares, stating they are better for new investors.

“This stock is more suited for college kids, fresh out of school, making their first few purchases in the market,” suggested Warner. “Assembling fractional shares at home is a short term practice, once you’re ready to settle into your forever-stocks, you’ll want some classic, well made index funds; unless you’re looking to hedge your bets on the cheap furniture and borrow it or something, maybe throw it into your AirBNB?”

At press time, Brodin announced he would be giving the fractional IKEA shares fun names including ‘stœck’, ‘invëstr’, and ‘íkēæshårß’.