LOS ANGELES — As Guitar Center struggles financially, various investors have been strongly considering purchasing shares of the company, taking the shares for extensive test runs, but never actually buying into the company, reports suggest.
“The same couple of investors come in here every day, they sort through the options, try things out, flaunt their flashy portfolio’s available capital, then never actually buy,” stated Guitar Center CEO Ronald Japinga. “Someone once came close to buying, but really just wanted to shred a securities contract in front of everyone to show off; so obnoxious.”
One of said investors, Martin Carter, has clarified, he intends to eventually buy shares of the company but wasn’t sure it was the right time.
“I just gotta make sure it’s the perfect stock for me,” Carter commented. “You know how it is, you gotta have that deep connection to the stock, you’ll know it when you feel it, otherwise, it’s a no-go. Sometimes you just gotta try things out over and over as loud as possible while everyone around you is trying to have a shareholder meeting until you finally get that connection.”
Claire Finn, another potential investor, expressed less inclination to ever actually buy stock.
“Oh, I just go test them out for fun, I’m never gonna actually give them any money,” Finn added. “I already have tons of Sam Ash stock, I don’t actually need new stocks, my portfolio is fine, I just like to try out other places. It’s something to do, and it lets everyone else in the room know I can buy if I want, even though I obviously never will.”
With interest quickly diminishing, Guitar Center attempted to rebrand their falling stock price as a special year-end sales event, which backfired and only attracted more people testing the stock without ever buying.