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Jeff Bezos Finally Watches Squid Game, Praises Show For Inspiring New Amazon Warehouse Management Practices

Last week, Amazon founder and executive chairman Jeff Bezos tweeted in celebration of the popular new Netflix original drama “Squid Game”, commending the show for pushing forth the service’s “internalization strategy” as its actual social commentary flew higher over his head than a Prime Air drone.

Since then, Bezos has taken the time to watch all nine episodes of the critically acclaimed South Korean action drama, and again taken to Twitter to declare that he has managed to miss even more of the fucking point in a massive explainer thread.

Beyond praising the show for representing Netflix’s current internationalization strategy, Bezos has also commended it for representing Amazon’s near-future warehouse management strategy.

“Hwang Dong-hyuk, you are the foremost entrepreneurial genius of our time (1/456),” tweeted Bezos, “We already knew workplace gamification was a powerful tool to string the fulfillment center wagies along, but gamification paired with a literal gun to their heads? Brilliant stuff. (2/456)”

“Squid Game” revolves around a mysterious contest where 456 indebted contestants are forced to play children’s games with increasingly morbid, violent, and deadly twists. Rather than interpreting this narrative as a biting allegory of wealth inequality, classism, and human greed, the show’s themes have seemed to resonate with Mr. Bezos in a different way than most viewers.

“I’ve gotten some flak in the past for having warehouse staff work alongside the dead bodies of their coworkers, and deservedly so, I would concede… (372/456) …But corpses alongside delectable, delicious, cutesie cookie shapes? Even those with the weakest stomachs on the planet wouldn’t wanna pass up a tradeoff like that (384/456).”

In light of this extreme revamp of Amazon’s gamification practices, AMZN shares have taken a noted hit, costing Bezos $7 billion in pocket change like his rich sociopath compatriot Mark Zuckerberg lost. Nevertheless, Bezos remains committed to incorporating these controversial new policies at an Amazon warehouse near you.

“Just got off the phone with @ajassy. Told him to add 20k bodyguard openings to Amazon’s hiring push, and outfit every location with a VIP spectator booth… (455/456) …We’re just trial-running in the factory towns for now, but the applications are pouring in like hotcakes. Lot of the same paramilitary vets that kept @CocaCola‘s South American unions in check. Always happy to support fellow big business! (456/456)”

In conclusion, the second richest man in the world has interpreted “Squid Game” about as well as you would expect him to interpret it.