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Johnson & Johnson Announce No More Tears Custody Agreement

After announcing their plans to amicably separate, Johnson & Johnson unveiled an all new no more tears custody agreement that will focus on the happiness of their childcare products.

The separation plan specifies that the Johnson’s will share custody of their child care lines, which will live with the first Johnson regularly but visit the second on alternating weekends; though the second can visit as long as they call ahead. By remaining corporate parenting partners, the J&J children’s products will grow up in a happy home, just like Procter & Gamble’s child care lines.

“The last thing we wanted was for our product lines to feel like they didn’t have as happy of a shelf life as the other stuff in the aisle,” Johnson stated, “we couldn’t have them growing up in a broken home, that’s bad for our image.”

Since all the terms of the split are still being worked out, there is still no word on which Johnson will get custody of the vaccine.