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Johnson & Johnson Halts Trials After Studies Show Vaccine May Not Be Expensive

Pharmaceutical giant Johnson & Johnson was forced to halt trials on a vaccine after a devastating experimental trial revealed that the drug may not be expensive.

“We are saddened to say that we will have to discontinue our work with this cure following this revelation,” stated the company in a press release on Wednesday. “In these trying times, we want every American to know that our only goal is to provide care for our stockholders.”

“While our drug is effective and capable of being mass-produced, it is unfortunately also affordable,” elaborated CEO, Alex Gorsky. “Our cure isn’t made of a rare mineral or tropical plant, so we’ll keep looking until we find a more profitable cure.”

This comes on news as both Pfizer and Moderna have released very promising vaccine trial data. Not only do they boast an over 90% success rate but they are also prohibitively expensive.

“What those two companies have managed to do with both efficacy and gross margin has been nothing short of inspirational,” said Gorsky. “It’s not very often you can positively change the world while also unconscionably gouging people but this scenario is truly the perfect storm.”

At press time Johnson and Johnson has been rumored to be creating a new strain of Covid in order to potentially get out ahead of a future vaccine.