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Kris Jenner: “I Love All My Children Equal to the Revenue They Bring In”

HIDDEN HILLS, CALIFORNIA — Kris Jenner, mother and manager to Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, and Kylie wants the world to know that while she’s a businesswoman, she’s a mom first, and like all good moms, she loves each of her children equal to the money they make her.

“All families are different and each family expresses their love in different ways,” says Jenner. “Most families express their love through words and physical touch because they’re poor and that’s all they can afford. I’ve made it clear to my children from a young age that the language of love in the Kardashian-Jenner family/business entity is money.”

Jenner talked more about her family’s special love language.

“When my children make me money, they’re telling me, ‘I love you mama, and I love this family. I want this family to grow and thrive.’ And this love is reciprocal. I show my children love by giving them money, in the form of careers. I show my children love by managing and investing their money so that their money grows. And I do this all for a very reasonable management fee.”

When asked if she ever hugs her children, Jenner had this to say.

“I give my children hugs all the time. They’re great motivators and an excellent opportunity to whisper constructive criticism. I give a 10 second hug to my highest earner of the week, which flips between Kim and Kylie. My lower performing children, Kourtney and Khloe, still get hugs, but only for a couple of seconds.”

At press time, Kris Jenner was seen filling out paperwork to disown her least profitable child Rob Kardashian.