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Last Remaining Gold Bull Tragically Dies at Age of 109

The investing world was saddened today to learn of the passing of the last remaining gold bull, Herbert M. Humphries III. Humphries, born in 1911 in Pittsburgh, spent most of his adult life futilely advocating for gold as the best investment.

Humphries was admired by his family and friends, but of course died a poorer man than his peers who simply put their money into Dow Jones mutual funds like normal adults.

Herbert’s final public act before his passing was a post on Twitter urging investors to “get into gold before the US dollar collapses.”
Longtime friend Dave Lawson, 106, said that he admired Herbert’s confidence in gold, but remarked that the real tragedy was that Herbert never really got into Bitcoin.

“Bitcoin was right there for him, but for some reason he didn’t get into it early,” Lawson said. “If he had just taken a small position in Bitcoin around 2010 or 2011, he would’ve been much wealthier. He already had all the anti-US Dollar ideology, so Bitcoin should have been a no-brainer.”

Humphries’ family will hold a private ceremony on Saturday, followed by a trip to the pawn shop to exchange Hubert’s gold for cash.