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Last Three Remaining Members of $TSLAQ Release 45-Page Report Proving Elon Musk Is Anti-Christ

Tom Dewar, Mike Cheskin, and Robert Davis sleep easy at night knowing the truth will eventually come out. And when it does, the three friends — the last remaining members of $TSLAQ — will be wealthy beyond belief, according to a new 45-page report the group released today that they claim proves Elon Musk is the Anti-Christ. 

“He’s the Anti-Christ, there’s no way around it. When Tesla crashed earlier this year, it retraced exactly 66.6% percent before making new highs,” Cheskin said as his short position moved further against him. “Also it explains his desire to want to go to space so badly. He has some kind of intergalactic bloodlust. It just doesn’t sit well with me.”

As the last members of online conspiracy group TSLAQ, these three have taken it upon themselves to continue trying to prove their thesis that Tesla Motors is a complete fraud. 

“You know Bernie Madoff?” asked Davis, the third and longest tenured member referring to the convicted ponzi scheme mastermind. “He’ll look like small potatoes compared to what Musk is up to. Mark my words. You’re gonna think about Bernie Madoff and go, in your head, ‘that guy was an idiot’ after this thing goes down.”

At press time, the report had received four retweets and shares of Tesla traded up another 7%. 

When asked about their strategy for cashing in on an inevitable Tesla Bankruptcy, Dewar outlined a complex strategy of using your entire paycheck from your day job to buy super deep out of the money front month puts. “They cost a few bucks each and expire worthless but once the crash comes we’ll be sitting pretty,” he explained in front of a screen showing solid red.

Contained inside the 45 pages were references to the weird spelling of Musk’s new child’s name and that time he called that cave diver trying to help those trapped kids ‘Pedo Guy.’