Press "Enter" to skip to content

Local Moms Suffer As Powell Hikes Pinterest Rate

Moms across the nation suffered a blow today after Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell announced that he was raising the target Pinterest rate.

“We’ve seen unsustainable growth in the markets for novelty magnets, ‘it’s wine o’clock’ cups, and cursive wall art that says things like ‘Jesus loves this crazy family,’” said Powell in his Wednesday presser. “We are risking these commodities rising above their fundamental value, which is anything above $0.”

Moms everywhere are facing up to 4% price increases on basic needs. Many are wondering how they are going to afford all 18 decorative pillows they put on their bed. Even more are worried that they won’t be able to buy funny t-shirts that justify their alcoholism.

“We need to reign in this market, but we know this will be hard for some,” continued Powell, as Facebook groups began to form in protest. “That wine glass that says ‘Jesus says to give generously to the pour’ will now have to be a staggering $14.99.”

At press time, the moms of America shot back at the Fed with a ruthless Minions meme.